A Mothers Day Letter
Mothers Day, for me, has had different meanings over the years. It was once a day to celebrate my mom through gifts and breakfast in bed. For quite a few years, it was a day that I ignored out of hurt and anger that I didn’t have a mom to celebrate. And now, it’s a day full of both joy and grief as I recognize her absence, celebrate my new title as a mother myself, and celebrate the women in my life who have provided those motherly qualities for me. Ever since I’ve become a mom, I’ve seen that Mothers Day is oftentimes not easy for a lot of women. There is typically some emotion attached to it, whether it be that you don’t have a mom, you don’t have a good relationship with your mom, you’ve been trying for years to become a mom, you became a mom but lost a child. Just writing these scenarios itself is devastating, but there are women who experience real grief and depression each year on Mothers Day.
As I sit here writing this, I’m grieved. I used to think that once I become a mom, I won’t feel the pain anymore. I’ll get to celebrate Mothers Day and bask in the joy of fulfilling my life-long dream of motherhood. And although that is true, it simultaneously hurts even more than it did before. I got pregnant 3 years ago with my first, and now I have 2. To think that my mom has not been here to meet her grandchildren, to listen to me cry over the phone while sleep deprived, to go get coffee together with the kids in the backseat, to come play with and hold her grandkids while I get some rest, to tell me what pregnancy and feeding were like for her, to share all of her favorite stories of motherhood and remind me that I will survive this, can cut deep at moments. So if you experience a similar pain on Mothers Day, know that I may not understand your specific situation, but I can understand your hurt.
If you find yourself masking the pain with a smile this weekend, I get it. If you burst into tears alone in the shower, I get it. If you see a mother with her mother holding her grandchildren and you get jealous, I get it. If you see young families walking into church together and you long for that very thing, I’m sorry. I acknowledge your hurt and it is 100% okay to grieve that loss. If you see pregnant mamas all around you and you have lost a child, or multiple ones, again, I’m so sorry.
Mothers Day is so much more than flowers and coffee and breakfast in bed. It’s a reminder of the sacrifices us mamas make 365 days a year, 24/7. The ways we give up our time, our bodies and our dreams for the lives of our families. And if it’s not that, it’s a trigger for those longing to become a mom, or ones grieving the loss of a mom or a child.
If this is a hard day for you, that is okay. Let yourself feel what you need to feel, because I will too. But also, let yourself enjoy being celebrated by your husband, your kids, your family. Hug your own mama and grandma extra hard. Send a text to your friends that are moms and tell them how good of job they’re doing. And overall, let God remind you of what a good Father He is to you. He is the ultimate motherly love that fulfills the motherly qualities you might be missing in your life. And He is the reason you are able to keep going. The joy of the Lord is already yours and He wants you to live in it.